It’s easy to avoid being single — I’ve done it often.
But share my life, find the right person, not compromise on the essential things, live together? That’s hard.
So hard in fact that I gave up, avoided the subject altogether. I didn’t talk about it and others stopped bringing it up. I talked easily and openly about my travels, my work here and abroad, my cats, moving, my weight, my gospel choir, fashion, my John Fluevog shoes, my Mini Cooper, the books I’ve read, but a boyfriend? Radio silence.
The worst times were Friday afternoons at the office, when everyone had someone waiting for them at home and weekend projects. There was no one waiting for me, no reason to stop working. I would wander through The Bay or Ogilvy’s for some retail therapy before going home. I comforted myself with small indulgences: another shower gel, another tube of lipstick, another pair of earrings on sale.
Weekends in particular were a painful reminder of all the ways my life was not like a TV beer commercial.
Then there was Christmas… and summer holidays. Everyone had plans. Everyone spoke in the plural: “We are going to visit the in-laws” or “We are going to rent a cottage next summer.” Everyone except me, that is.
It’s an exaggeration, of course. Rationally, I know that not everybody is in a relationship, let alone in one that is happy. I understand this rationally.
For 17 years, I suffered countless “small deaths” in silence. Overhearing a couple at the grocery store: “You’re sure the cream we have in the fridge is still good?” Meanwhile, there’s no one in my life to worry about the expiry dates in my fridge. Small death. A Saturday morning in the summer, out running errands, stopped at a traffic light, windows down, all I could see were cars with two people, couples doing their weekend shopping, me alone in my car. Small death.
But not since turning 50: I rewrote my destiny from single to couple. Not accidentally. Intentionally.
From one day to the next.
The accumulation of 17 years of attempts/mistakes upended and changed the trajectory of my single life, triggered by one question from a senior transformational coach/instructor who is as wise as he is remarkable.
One incisive question and everything began to change. A question that cut to the heart of all of the lessons I’d learned in 17 years of attempts and mistakes.
Today, in 2018, six years have gone by since I began rewriting my destiny for a couple, with my partner Alex. What I’ve learned works for me and, I’ve realized, works for others, too.
So I decided to write a book, this book, which will soon find its way to you, to help you more quickly meet the one you’re looking for, and who is looking for you, as well.
But while waiting for the book to be published, I’m already holding workshops based on the book and my long experience — it was in speaking with women and hearing about their discouraging experiences dating that I began to realize what I had learned and what had worked for me could be shared… and be very helpful!
And when things go well, we learn nothing.
We don’t stop in the middle of a situation that is going wonderfully to tell ourselves: “Wait, it’s going really well, I need to understand what I did so I can do it again whenever I want.” No, when all is well, we ride the wave and hurry on to the next thing waiting on our to-do list.
But when things go badly, when we are surprised by a reaction we didn’t expect, we stop and say “Whoa, what was that?” then step back and look for a solution.
It’s when things don’t go well that we learn. If we want to. Because we can always conclude that if it’s not going well, it’s because of someone else, the circumstances, the situation, and not because of us. We’re not to blame, someone else is.
Learning is a choice.
When things go well, we learn nothing.
I would have liked to take a workshop like this at 35, when I got divorced, or at 40, when I was fed up and stupefied to still be single, but it took me until my late forties to finally wave the white flag and really admit to myself that I had to do things completely differently if I wanted results that were truly different. It was out of fear of remaining stuck in a single life I was depressingly familiar with that I finally began to apply what I knew, listened to the formidable wisdom of a remarkable coach/instructor and began to rewrite my destiny from single to couple, with my Alex.
I invite you to sign up for my CHOOSE AND BE CHOSEN workshop to ACCELERATE rewriting your destiny from SINGLE to COUPLE, in a small group of people just like you, people who like their life but would like to share it. In a friendly atmosphere, with humour and insight. It will do you good.
Sometimes, even a superhero needs to stop and take time for a workshop….
I wish you all a peaceful heart. Hope to see you soon!